Goodbyes and Struggles...

Almost a week ago, we said goodbye to our missionary for two years.  It was harder than I thought it would be... but Josh and kids thought it was easier.  He was anxious and ready to go and begin this adventure- so I had to let him go.  When we left the airport, I felt like I couldn't breath.  Like someone had kicked me in the stomach.  I couldn't talk, I couldn't think, I almost couldn't walk.  I went home and collapsed on my bed and cried.  We were packing the car for a trip to Lake Powell, but I needed some time to be okay- so Josh and the kids let me have some alone time while they packed the car.  I didn't feel okay for awhile.  I worried about him and how he was feeling/ what he was doing.  Then on the facebook group- one of the parents posted this photo below that gave me a little peace...

Seeing his smile and knowing he was not alone was reassuring to me...  Early the next morning we left for Lake Powell and as we were driving I thought of him and prayed for him as he was flying in the air.  In Lake Powell we didn't have good reception on the houseboat (which was a blessing, because I couldn't check my phone for an email every 2.5 seconds) but on Friday we went into the Marina and he had written!!! What joy filled my soul to know that he was safe... it was brief - introduced his companion from Nigeria; Elder Davies;  they can't communicate very well, the food is nasty (his words), the flight was long and awful (no movies/ no games) but he survived.  We don't know when he will write again- not sure of his preparation day when he can write.  So every day, we are waiting... waiting.. waiting... checking... checking... checking ... the email to see if he has written.  I awoke early this morning with a feeling that he was struggling - perhaps he is hungry because he doesn't like the food and doesn't know what to eat.. perhaps he is having a hard time not communicating with his companion and with the language, perhaps he is tired and weary from the rigorous schedule... chances are he is feeling all of these things and more. Before he left, he gave me a blessing of comfort and reminded me that when I am struggling he will also be struggling... so we can struggle together:).  I pray that he will find comfort and peace and strength to carry on... I pray that he will continue to have faith that he is in the right place and this is exactly what he needs to be doing.  I pray that Heavenly Father will give me the peace and reassurance that he is doing okay. 

Called to Serve...

It is embarrassing that I haven't written for awhile.  A lot has happened ... if you can imagine. Last I wrote, I was in the middle of mothering five children who were under my roof most of the time.  It's an all consuming thing ... parenting.  And another thing... it goes so quickly.  As it has been said; "The days pass slowly... the week, months, and years pass quickly. "  Fast forward (almost) four years to now-  my oldest just graduated and in 5 days will be flying off to begin his mission in the Ghana missionary training center to serve in The Cote d'Ivoire , Yamoussoukro mission, my second will be entering his junior year in high school, my third will be in 9th grade, my fourth will be in 6th grade (this one boggles my mind) and my baby and fifth will be entering 1st grade- WOW!  Time flies when you are having fun, right?  Well, it hasn't always been fun and games.  Parenting is a mixed bag; highs and lows, tears of joy and tears of sadness, good times and bad times- just like life.  What has always remained constant and ever present is our love of God, love of each other, belief in eternal families and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Having taught these principles to my own children- it is thrilling to think that now, Harrison, our first born, will be teaching the people in his mission for two years about something that has shaped his own life and has been the center of our own family;  This Gospel.  How grateful I am to have the knowledge that I have of a true and living God who cares and loves each one of his children (yes, you and me)  and wants us to live with our families for eternity.  As the world becomes more corrupt and more confused about what is truth and what is right,  I pray that i will always stay close to the spirit to discern and know what is true and what is right- and that each one of my children will do the same. I plan to continue writing to help me through sending a missionary off in the next few days.  I have heard that it is an event that is truly the highest of highs and the lowest of lows for a mother.  It is a weird thing to think of sending my child; a person that has been under my wing from the time he was born until now- 18 years later-  to a strange land - to only communicate with him through email ( every week- hopefully!!) and on the phone at Christmas and Mother's Day.  I have raised my children with the desire and tried to prepare them for this day- but now that it is upon us- it seems unnatural to want to do so.  I pray that we will be comforted as we go through these next few days, weeks, months, and two years.